April 2011
4 posts
North
So my friend and I are on the balcony, smoking a cig after blazing and this conversation happens.
Aaron: So… when you’re lost in the woods… and they tell you to go north… why? Me: with a holy-shit look on my face dude! Aaron: Like wtf are you going to run into? Canada?
And then we died of laughter.
oh shit man, you look like...
High as shit after hitting a blunt and a million bowl packs with my good friends in my room
Lauren: Dude, you know who you look like?
Suly: What the fuck?
Lauren You look like Count Dracula from Sesame Street!!!!
Me: Oh shit, you do! You do!
Maya: Hahahahahahaha
Lauren: Dude, will you start talking like him?
Suly: What the hell, no!
Me: Start counting! You do look like him!
Lauren: ONE,...
you know you're high when...
(via texts)
Me: “Guess who is”
C: “…high?”
Blow Up Dolls
Brother: Yeah this fucker was bragging about his blow up dolls.
Me: That’s definitely something you don’t go around telling people about Diego.
Brother: You’re sick bro.
Diego: Whatever bitch.
Brother: You are! I bet you fucking strangle them then slit there throat and watch them deflate slowly.
March 2011
7 posts
i'd go to a séance for george clinton
Biz: Want to come to my séance tomorrow?
Me: Who’s it for?
Biz: George Cl…(unintelligible)
Me: George Clinton or George Clooney? Because they are both still alive…
Biz: I meant to say George Washington. Damn I am high.
Stoned play
(My friend and I go to a play after smoking a bowl)
My friend: Can we get tickets?
Guy at the counter: Yeah!
(Takes about 10 minutes to get the tickets)
Me: *looks at my friend* The fuck is taking soooo long?
My friend: *shakes her head*
Me: …*starts giggling* This is ridiculous! *starts cracking up*
My friend: Shut up! Ohmygod, shhhhhhhh.
Me: *laughs so much more*
(it was...
[Alex, Austin and I were all talking about something on the couch. There’s a silence, then..]
Alex [looks at Austin]: Dude, have you ever been high and just randomnly had a boner when you’re having a conversation?
Austin: … [stares]
Me: [bursts into laughter]
Alex: No, really! [stands up; has obvious boner.] Has that ever happ-
Austin: Dude.. [puts his hand over his face.]
...
North
So my friend and I are on the balcony, smoking a cig after blazing and this conversation happens.
Aaron: So… when you’re lost in the woods… and they tell you to go north… why? Me: with a holy-shit look on my face dude! Aaron: Like wtf are you going to run into? Canada?
And then we died of laughter.
oh shit man, you look like...
High as shit after hitting a blunt and a million bowl packs with my good friends in my room
Lauren: Dude, you know who you look like?
Suly: What the fuck?
Lauren You look like Count Dracula from Sesame Street!!!!
Me: Oh shit, you do! You do!
Maya: Hahahahahahaha
Lauren: Dude, will you start talking like him?
Suly: What the hell, no!
Me: Start counting! You do look like him!
Lauren: ONE,...
be careful!
mom: *gets up to use the bathroom*
me: MOM! WHERE U GOIN?!
mom: downstairs to use the bathroom …
me: BE CAREFUL!
Best response ever.
A: Can you pick me up so we can chill until track starts?
D: Yeah, of course. Can you be high at track, because I want to smoke a bowl.
A: Well… I’m only going to be on the elliptical…
D: I’ll take that as a yes. On my way.
November 2010
12 posts
Stoned Spring Break Road Trip
The scene: Spring break road trip from Boston to Philly in my friend nick’s 1999 V6 Ford Taurus. We are stuck on the George Washington Bridge at 1am. I (calvin) am driving and Nick is in the passenger seat.
Nick: I have to poop
Calvin: Well we arent going anywhere fast so you’ll have to hold it
Nick: I think I’m prairie doggin’
Calvin: We should smoke some more so...
joints.
C: ok, so should i roll two good size joints for both of us or one big fatty joint?
L: how bout a two fatty joins for the both of us?
haha (:
my first time with edibles.
Me and my two best friends came up with this ingenious plan: Make weed brownies. Needless to say, it was a huge success.
Basically, we bought a half an ounce, and just poured it into our brownie mix, since we were all n00bs, we didn’t know to make hash butter, we used a 9X9 pan and cut the brownies into 9ths. We each ate three. Two hours later it hadn’t kicked in, so we in defeat...
After hot boxing his car
we’re on our way to homecoming, just smoked and driving back to our friends house for the pictures.
Me: Dude, look how fucking funny my finger looks. I can’t put my middle finger up in a full 90 degree angle.
Him: tries it Look, I can
Me: laughing No, you can’t!
So we’re both laughing and looking at our fingers and just fucking around with our fingers
I look up
Me:...
Smoking in the woods
we’re talking about blowjobs
Lauren: How do you guys rate the quality? Like, I’d say my blowjob was worth at least $20
Robert: CRACKS UP It’s not like that!
Lauren: What, so if you got a really crappy one, you wouldn’t be like, damn that girl wasn’t worth anything?
Robert: still laughing, points behind him It’s not like we’re like, oh that girl back...
Blazed, tripping out in my room
listening to Jimi Hendrix
Judy, stoned: This music is so majestical.
My best friends little brother...
is really high, and we’re listening to my friend, who has an amazing voice, sing just for fun
Him: Whoa, did you have to suck Michael Jackson’s dick to get that kind of musical talent?
Almost There
smoking before homecoming
Me: I feel like a microwaved pizza…not baked, but really warm.
Feeenin..
*The bell just rings for lunch, me my cousin, my friends Q & E are bouta go back to Q’s for a sesh.
E; *Running to the car “GUYS COME ONE! HURRY UPPP!!!”
Me; “Hahaha, whaat tha fuck?!”
Q; “Eliza, she’s a feene.. She’s a feen for weed”
E; “Shut up it’s the first time in like a year!”
Me: Uhhh huhh, sure!
E;...
i'm surprised i can type in complete senteces, let...
Scotty: how are you? Dominique: right now, absolutely lovely. though i’m extremely high at the moment so that’s why. Scotty: i’m happy that you’re happy but i’m not happy that you’re high Dominique: lately i’m only happy if i’m high, so if you’re happy that i’m happy you must therefore also be happy that i’m high Scotty: i...
After smoking, before eating jello
Me: can I have a Jello?
Biz: don’t try it yet, give the marijuana a second to leak its taste out.
Me: what the fuck?
Me and my friends were sat in the park having rolling a joint peacfully when a man walked over and said “dont worry i am of duty i can see you are skinning and was wondering if i can buy a spliff off you” long story short he smoked a spliff with us then we got the police man a bud and he gives a spliff back :)
October 2010
27 posts
before a super-baked trip to rita's..
paige: ok so i’m gonna get pumpkin pie NO I’M GONNA GET CRANBERRY.
dan: can i have a pumpkin pie and chocolate please?
paige: oh my god…I’M GONNA GET CRANBERRY AND PUMPKIN PIE. IT’LL BE LIKE THANKSGIVING. IN MY MOUTH. ALL AT ONE TIME.
The scene: My friend and I are eating some spaghettio’s we had just cooked and we were chatting about how terrible they are, so i asked him to hand me a piece of bread since he was standing up. Note, we are both super baked off some ‘real earthy’ dank nug
Me: Hey could you get me some bread?
S: NINJA SHOT! *THROWS the bread at me, it bounces off my head and lands perfectly in...
Gooch?
S : I really wanna get a new tattoo…
K : I wanna get a tattoo of a stop sign…on my gooch. So that way when a girl’s sucking my dick, if they wanna do some crazy shit like lick my butt hole or something, they know. And that tattoo is just like, “No! You crazy bitch! Stoppppp!!!!”
S : Woah, man…
fuck the police
i was hanging out on a street corner with some mates and a policeman walks over, i have a bag of weed hidden in my hat.
police: Hello, what are you guys doing?
me: just waiting for someone..
police: have you got any drugs on you?
me: no, of course not.
police: wanna buy some, got fuckloads in my van!
i laughed and he left!
me: SHITT!!
Incredibly high. Sophie : It’s like.. like what? like.. like what?… what? Noran : Dude… did you just say ‘what’ … a lot of times… Sophie: *in french* NO IT JUST ECHOED IN YOUR HEAD. -laughing our asses off- (after checking the video we took while high, she really did say ‘what’ a lot of times.)
#1: What do we do now?
#2: We could smoke another bowl…
Me: Do you want to get chick-fil-a?
Anna: Yeah, let’s smoke before…
Me: Ha… you act like I was going to try and eat without smoking before….
after a frankenstein blunt of medical LA glory
Me: I feel like we’re in a renaissance claymation.
T-REX and Cheerios
Missy: Want some Cheerios?
Me: YES!
Missy, George, and me chewing
George: Oh my God guys why are we chewing so loud?
Me: Its like fucking T-REX is walking around in my mouth.
me and my nigga shane
me= dude wats good in york… aka were we live
nigga shane= aint shit man, wish ben was off school so we could smoke some dank.
me= yeah i know man! i wana smoke that mother fuckin cheese :p
nigga shane= yeah dude that shit looks like some cheese cubes. i wana melt it and dip my nachoas in it.
me= dude i wana smoke it out the GB then the LUNG and then mabee out of kimbo slice… aka...
DAD IS CALLING
Mike: YOYOYO SHHHH MY DAD IS CALLING!
*All of us shut up
Mike: yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaah (with a little vibrato) dad im coming hooome… yeee riiight nao… YEAH RIGHT NAO IM DRIVING… you dont gotta yell at me father, im your sonn!
*ALL OF US ROFL!!!
Me- How much weed do we have left
Parker- enough to get us through today and tomorrow morning
Me- oh yeah thats plenty
Parker- well what about this
Me- what?
Parker- these mids
Me- oh you pinch pincher you
Parker- we have enough for a bowl
Me- hell yeah
Parker- i think we have enough for two
Me- well the more the merrier
Power Rangers.
K: I wanna grow my hair back!
M: MmMmMMmmmM, I wanna be a power ranger! :D
K: No really, C’mon.. Real life stuff Mike!
M: POWER RANGERS ARE FUCKING REAL!
ME: AHAHAHAHAHHAHA.
bob the builder
Me: *looks at M’s stash of pipe-making materials laid on towel*
Me: Ugh, you… You… YOU’RE FUCKING BOB THE BUILDER.
Smokin atthe Lake
S: dude, what if a big anaconda catches us? H:oh shit, yeah. S:… H:naah, chill,let just light up another joint
after smoking a lot with some friends.
Me: “Guys, what are Cheyenne & Dill doing?”
Marce: “dilldoing…LOL. DILDOING.”
Me: “LOL CHEYENNES DILDOING”
Family bonding.
Me: So, I like shaved part of my head. There’s like this dent in it, like I was wearing a headband for a really long time. I don’t wear head bands, in fact, I’ve pretty much never worn head bands. So basically what I’m getting at is… did you give me a lobotomy when I was little?
Dad: Lobotomy… no. Why, did you want one?
and his name is bill
going in the Wendy’s drive thru
Kaylee: I’m sorry but did you hear me when I said I wanted an extra burger?
Me: an EXTRA burger.
Them laughing a little: Yeah don’t worry I got you guys covered
-we laugh, then Pull up to the window, thin guy is working-
Andy: I’m sure he knows somethings up now..hell he looks like he a stoner
Me: Stares at this guy in amazement
Kaylee...
YEAH I'M HIGH!
WALKING INTO WAFFLE HOUSE…AND SEE A FRIEND FROM CLASS.
Friend: hey girl what’s up!?…(looks into my face) are you high?
Me: naw its my contacts and…umm…YEA IM HIGH IM HIGH OK.
Everyone in Waffle House: LMAO!!
Jew dead!
Zach: Hannah, youre high.
Hannah: & jew dead! ( I honestly believed I said you!
11:35pmMe
oh i wanted to have another discussion with you lol
11:36pmKaylee
about what?
Me
i tihnk i’m a cougar
not literally
but
11:36pmKaylee
xD
Mom; wheres the cupcakes?
Hannah; Its behind the bloaf of bread.
friends; HANNAH! shut up, your moms gonna know were burnin’!
Hannah; why do you say zat?
friends; First off you said bloaf instead of loaf, second, you just said zat instead of that. XP
c: what the fuck, is this light ever gonna turn fucking green? oh wait, i’m at a stop sign, fuck i’m hurt.
Whitecastle
once i took a trip to Whitecastle, Google Maps said it would be exactly 420.0 miles from Manassas, VA to New Brunswick, NJ for our burgers. well our adventure ensued and we wound up taking 3 days, included one shitty BMW, wake and bake blunts in the BMW while on a flatbed truck. breaking into the Newark Airport, and inevitably, Mom dukes to the rescue when we’re all out of money and ideas....
(OMG MY SHOE)
SITTING IN A RESTAURANT…HIGH AS HELL
T: OMFG I THINK I LOST MY SHOE?!?! (LOOKING AROUND WITH SCARED FACE)
ME: LMAO!! WHAT?!!? OK CALM DOWN LOL (CANT STOP LAUGHING, LOOKS UNDER BENCH) ITS UNDER YOUR CHAIR!
T: OH OK GOOD I WAS SO WORRIED I HAD LOST IT. WHAT IF I HAD TO WALK OUT WITHOUT IT?…
After a nice wake & bake sesh
Iman: Yeah, but I don’t really care about what people think anymore.
Me: Really, like who the fuck cares? Smoke my blunt, everything’s good.
Me: I’m still seeing things
Her: That’s cool… I like sticks.