February 2010
128 posts
On Msn High
Taylor, says: i like my writing its like razor edge like a pot leaf and green
I was smoking by myself after work. I put on a robe and sat down to chill. After several bowls and sitting in the same spot for about 2 hours, I got up to move-
“Oh my god, why am I so heavy?… *looks down* Oh my god! Where did I get a robe from!?”
It was funny to me, it’s funny to me now. Hahaha!
smoking trainwreck in a cornfield
Me: Dude…my cousin planted like four pot plants in here. He said if I found one I could keep it. But that’s like finding four needles in a haystack….
Friend: I bet I can find one! Okay, we need to go this way…..now this way…..now this way….now straight….now this way……
*stops and looks to the right*
Me: Woah…is that……?
...
9 poppers later, T: Guys I looked around the room and you know what a realized? S & D: What?
T: I’m stonedddd.
Nestle Crunch
Sav: I know it’s like the Nestle- I mean the Crunch bars. Bowl: Ooohh. Sav & Bowl: Nestle Crunch.
Me: Whatchu guys doing for winter break?
Friend: Lets go somewhere over winter break like somewhere close and hella clean.. like fucken Texas
Me: hahaha wth?
-Okay, I can’t move.
-Yeah, me either… LET’S SMOKE MORE!
Brooke: I like Karl Marx because he said God wants us to smoke
Nikkie: when?
Brooke: He said religion is the opium of the people
Nikkie: ohhh
Brooke & Nikkie: FUCK YEAH!
RR
awhile ago me and my g/f smoked and had a funny convo.
after hitting the bong
me:you know were no strangers to love
g/f:you know the rules and so do i!
me:i was thinking of a full commitment, you know you wont get it from any other guy.
g/f:i just want to tell you how im feeling, got to make you understand.
me: dont you know im
Never gonna give you up, Never gonna let you down, Never...
January 2010
88 posts
Family Guy
Gabe: Why does a baby have a computer?
“It sounds like rubbing bacon on a car!”
me: i want pizza charlie: i want weed…. (long silence)
dude, why don’t we make weed pizza?
me: FO’REAL
Jamie: Um, what are you doing? Kristyn: What? Jamie: Are you making macaroni and cheese? Kristyn: [looks down at the stove] Oh, I guess so. Hungry?
Where be our 300th follower?
:]
I HATE that the World is round. FUCK MAGELLAN!
2am cooking
Walker, stop fondling me I’m trying to brown this meat.
Call of duty modern war fare
A: “Its like hide and seek but with guns”
Last night!
Me: Hey, am I driving or is everything moving around the car? James: nah man, you’re driving! haha Me: well, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore… James: What the fuck? We’re like 5 minutes away from your house dude. Me: exactly, we’re not in fucking kansas, because i live in Louisiana. James: I wish i still got as high as you.
5 away from 300
Followers, let’s go stoners reblog our stuff and get us there!
and it’s time for a lazy Sunday, starting with a wake n bake. Toke all day and send your quotes our way !
-JJJ
Me: Swear to god, just felt an earthquake.
C: Dude, are you fucking sure?
Me: Yeah, go check fox.
C: Theres nothing new.
Me: About what dude? where’d you go?
C: What?
Me: Just load another bowl.
erika: yoo this movie is sooo funny, are you watching it? me: when she’s high, erika thinks every movie is sooo funny, it could be about rape and she still thinks it’s funny. hahahaha jess: like precious? erika: hahahahahahahaha me: yes exactly like that movie hahahahaha
Johnnyy: how you doing buddy?
Jacob: dude this car ride is nuts, it’s so bright out!
Johnnyy: what?! Jacob, it’s 1am
Jacob: dude the streetlights are like suns
-JJJ
Spongebob
me on spongebob erasing frankendoodle:
“why would you close your eyes while you’re doing this dude, obviously the little hand is going to become a little guy and run away and steal your god damn pencil and recreate himself, and all this shit’s going to go down, and you’re gonna get really scared, cuz you know if you were like in an actual horror you might actually die, and...
me texting my friend on the bus ride home from school: OH MY GOD MY CLOTHES ARE LIKE BLANKETS SURROUNDING MY BODY!!!!
Cop: If you weren’t smoking, then why were out outside?
Me: WE HEARD CATS HAVING A MEETING!!
Cop: Yeah, I smell pot.
they didn’t find anything on us though (; luckily we had just smoked it all
Birthday Blazeeeee.
-driving-
Me: oh my god dude, do you see the road right now?
I: what?
Me: it keeps getting bigger and smaller and the cars are shrinking and our car is giant and….all the cars that were passing look like the ones that we just passed. there all the same cars man! do you see this?
I: holy shit dude, holy shit i see it!
Me: i’m so tripping the fuck out man, fuck.
Me and My 15 year old sista
Me: Is it still considered a dance if the robot is doing the robot?
Long pause and she looks at me so confused while I do the robot.
Sista: ….noo….
Me: But what if they are doing the human?
We started dancing like the Wacky Inflatable Flailing Arms Man because that’s clearly how people dance.
*after smoking 4 bowls and now eating cupcakes*
Kelsey: Dude weren’t we suppose to have chocolate? I want chocolate Hannah: No. Kelsey: Dude, thats fucked up. Hannah: Whatever, freelance cupcake freak!
Me: Mann, your stove is on fire.
Jae: Oh my god, No way.. Holy shit! It is!
Me: Is it supposed to do that?
Jae: No!
Alright people,
it’s the weekend, get in a circle, smoke some good ganja, and start talking about shit that doesn’t make sense !
send your submissions our way, of course we’ll be blazing all day
-JJJ
Cat
*After smoking some amazing Sour D*
Chris: Dude, look at that cat.
Me: Oh shit. It’s like the cat can understand us! He’s just staring.
Chris: Like he knows what we just did.
Me: But, how can he?? He didn’t even see us smoking, we were outside!!
Chris: He just…he just knows, man.
Me: What the fuck?!
….Holy shit! He just blinked! That must be a sign of...
First Time
*My first time smoking*
Jesse: Dude, this shit gets you fucking stoned. I’ve never been so stoned.
Chris: Fuck. Put your iPod on. *Jesse puts his iPod on and we listen to a few songs of Basshunter*
Me: The music…
Chris: What did you say?
Me: The music, there’s so many colors to it. The plants, they’re singing! Wow!
Jesse: Daaaamn
Chris: Holy fuck, let’s go home...
After sitting in the car in complete silence for almost 10 minutes…
Katey: …Did I just say somethin’?
Whoops.
Cop: It smells like marijuana in your car.
Chris: How much?
[After eating one and a half brownies]
*over the phone*
Me: Ok, I’m at Peach and Herndon. Where are you?
Brette: Why are you at Peach and Herndon? That’s clear across town in Clovis. I’m in Fresno at Fruit and Herndon.
Me: Fuck. Well Peach is a fruit.
I literally remember just around 45% of this night.
-Adam
Johnnyy:*Electric Feel is on*
Danny: dude
Johnnyy: what’s up?
Danny: if an orgasm was a sound, it would be this sound man
-JJJ
Andy: “dude, no more, im so fucked, lets stop after this hit.”
three bowls later
“dude, one more, i’m so fucked, i gotta stop after this.”
another three bowls later
“dude, i’m really fucked.”
shrooms
Guy1: OMG
Guy2: im gonna sleep(falls on the couch)
Guy1&3: OMG FUCK HES DEAD HOLY SHIT WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?!
Guy 1: CPR
5 minutes later
Guy 2: im alive stop iim trying to sleep. shit!
Guy 3: FUCK ITS A ZOMBIE(grabs a baseball bat)
Guy 2: shit(runs around for half an hour trying to convince everyone hes not a nazi zombie from COD)
After being high and drunk, I called my friend.
me- let’s do something! her- it’s 3am, what is there to do? me- I know! let’s go free the animals at the zoo! her- what??? me- I’d say sea world, but we don’t have any water.
Wow
200+ followers in one night ! You guys are the best, don’t forget to keep submitting your stoner quotes and events and tell all your friends about us !
-JJJ
C: have you ever smoked before?
N: yeah man. i smoke all the time! you don’t even know.
C: okay then.
1 blunt later…
N: hey. is your mouth supposed to be dry after smoking?
C: what?!
i find it funny when friends deny it being their first time. there’s nothing to be embarrassed about :)
Resin.
Me : …..wait. Why the fuck are we in target?
Ashley : uhhh…. PAPERCLIPS!!
Me : Right! We came to target to buy paperclips to scrape the bowls with… fucking stoners.
THE CUBE!!!
Whilst driving around ridiculously blasted, we come across a Cube, on of the coolest cars around.
Me : OH.MY.GOD. It’s a motherfuckin CUBE!! Follow it. Right now. Do it.
Nick(the driver): YES!!
Ashley : take a picture!
Me : I’m fucking filming it!! (I pull out my camera) The fucking cube! The CUBE!!
Nick : Alli… put this in the GPS
Me : aww but the...
My friend & I just burned two blunts and we head back to my house. Where my mother was home early…
*walks into the kitchen*
Mom: Hi honey, are you hungry? I got off work early and stopped by the grocery store.
Me: Hi Mom. My eyes are red because of the wind outside and my eyes look droopy and baggy because I’m tired.
*then I smile and walk away*
The Tony's!
One night, while thoroughly stoned, my grandfather decided to excitedly call me about the Tony Awards….
Me : oh fuck… Hello?
Grandpa : ARE YOU WATCHING THE TONY’S?!
Me : ….no?
Grandpa : ooohhhh THEY ARE FABULOUS!! All the dance numbers, and the costumes, Neil Pattrick Harris is just SUCH a talented man… (this is where I zone out for a few mins)...
R: hey. i don’t remember what we ate but i feel full. what did you guys take from my kitchen?
C: oh there was this big sack of chips and some cheese dip.
R: …those chips were 2 months stale… we… ate them all?!
C: OH SHIT! …they were really good though.
driving to school. my friend was high as hell but i was still hitting the blunt.
Viv:wtf am i doing?
Es:YOU’RE DRIVING!
Viv:ok pussy. but where?
Es:To school. -_-
Viv:Yo, you be learning shit you never thought you could learn. Like in my Chemistry class, I learned a whole fucking chapter and we aint even have to! Going to class high is the best.
Es:Just drive.
Katie- You know like… when you think something in your head and it makes sense, but then you say it out loud and no one gets it, but then you really don’t feel like explaining it to them so you just shut up?!
Keri- Yeah, I do that all the time!
Katie- That’s when I know I’m too high.
Keri- You can’t be too high! You’re too high saying you can be too high!
...
Friend : “Fuck man, i am so crossfaded. Don’t let me have any more of that. I have to drive later on tonight.”
Me : “Fersure man, good idea.”
- three minutes pass -
Friend : “So i’m thinking we should pack another bowl.”
*after stopping at a red light while trying to turn right*
Korie: Why are you just stopped here?
Heidi: Oh… I don’t know, but you make me feel retarded when you talk to me like that.
Korie: I’m sorry! I just didn’t know why you were stopped there?
Heidi: …Well maybe I don’t know either…